The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We Fucking Mean It)

Oh my God, they went swimming.

This last Sunday was the series finale (for real this time) of Adult Swim’s longest running, and debatably most recognizable series — Aqua Teen Hunger Force (see also Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1, Aqua Something You Know Whatever, Aqua TV Show Show, and Aqua Teen Hunger Force Forever). Almost 15 years ago, on Sept. 9th 2001, this show was beamed into the life of a 12 years old me. Everything I knew about comedy, if not entertainment, was changed forever. 

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Design Brain – Tembo the Badass Elephant Pt.2

In this episode, we take a second look at Tembo the Badass Elephant. We look at just how well the game teaches you how to play it, what real game play depth looks like, and how things can start to unravel at the end of a game.

Final Thoughts: The game is a blast when it allows itself to be. It doesn’t trip up too often, and in hindsight, the Final Boss, although easy, was fun to play through.

What game will I sic my Design Brain on next time? Subscribe to find out~

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ScaleBound made The Last Guardian its Bitch

Sony Fans. PS3 and PS4 owners. I’m sorry to have to be the one to break this to you… I know you’ve been waiting for The Last Guardian since 2009, consider this an intervention slash wake-up call.

Now I know you were all excited when it was the first thing outta the gate at Sony’s E3 press conference this year. I have to ask though, does this look like a game worth a 6 year wait?

Pedigree not withstanding, this is exactly the kind of game people point at when we see the downfall of a medium. A Dungeon-Crawling Puzzle game(?) where the puzzles seem to be, wait for your giant bird dog to do something for you… I’m sorry, no, this is not worth the wait or the hype. Coming back to that pedigree, yes, Shadow the the Colossus and Ico were fantastic games, games you had agency in… Games that were Games.

The title of this article would be misleading if I didn’t talk about ScaleBound — The XBox One exclusive being headed by Platinum Games, a studio that has yet to release a bad game to my knowledge, featuring their trademark over-the-top combat with swords, bows, traps, and the major draw, a big dragon friend. We finally got a first look at Gamescom this year:

In what I would assume half the time of the initial announcement for The Last Guardian, we have this coming in 2016? Yes, yes to all of that. Just looking at these two trailers, ScaleBound made The Last Guardian its Bitch. I’ve made my swipes at Sony and Microsoft with how both have handled their position in this console generation, and these trailers typify my growing apathy toward Sony, and praise for Microsoft.

Not accounting for taste, Microsoft has the Games, Sony is Sorry.

*mic drop*

DEBUT! Design Brain w/ Tembo the Badass Elephant

The Artist Speaks is DONE — Welcome to DESIGN BRAIN! Where Super Fun Game Play meets Super Smart On-The-Fly Analysis.

In the debut episode, I play & analyze Tembo: The Badass Elephant.

Initial Thoughts: From trailers, it looks like Sega & Game Freak’s answer to a Donkey Kong style smooth moving, secret collecting, platforming action game. Does it meet the expectations? Let’s find out~!

An Actual Sonic Fan – REVIEW – Beyond the Valley of Qubots

Now the robots get their own episode… Alright, whatever.

Just like yesterday, I didn’t really… Want this episode. You know what I mean? I think I’m just running out of steam when it comes to these new episodes. Sonic Boom continues to be a hit-and-miss series, and for some reason, it can be a little draining. I guess it’s because I love Sonic the Hedgehog, and you can’t knock it out of the park all the time with an animated series. I’m having more fun than not, and that’s really all I can ask for.

And I swear to God, the first person to draw a comparison between that feeling with recent Sonic games… No.

Really though, I just can’t think of anything else to say. This was fun, a good way to kind of make up for the lack of real updates over the past few weeks. I’d love to hear your thoughts, so feel free to leave a comment.

An Actual Sonic Fan – REVIEW – Two Good to be True

Another hackneyed premise? Too good to be true indeed.

Sing along if you know the words: Parallel Universe, one of the cast gets displaced who’s the opposite of the original, so now they have to send him back. Usually this is a launching point for an evil version to usurp the group and take over along with the Evil (or at least competent) version(s) of the other universe’s Good villains… Instead, they just make Knuckles smart, and that’s about it. There’s a rescue, and there’s nothing more too it than that.

There’s one weird moment at the end of the episode where Tails replaces a battery, and they just stands there for 30 seconds, commenting on how awkward the situation is. It felt like a Family Guy joke. So an observation, a poorly timed one, that has no barring on the story.

It’s hard to really say more. It took the premise in a different direction, and could have done more with it, but chooses not to. We could have had a scene where the group takes a shine to the new Knuckles, making old Knuckles feels dejected and needs to redeem himself. They could have done that with the rescue. But that’s not the episode we got.

We’ve only got 1 more new episode, an episode I won’t be surprised to find out is a series finale. It would suck that this series never got a chance to stretch its legs, but you can only be hit and miss for so long. We’ll see what happens.

An Actual Sonic Fan – REVIEW – Just a Guy

… I LOVE this episode.

Robotnik is attacking, but Knuckles is hanging out with a villager, whose name is Mike apparently, and doesn’t wanna fight. Trying to save the day, Sonic tells Mike he can’t come to fight Robotnik saying, “You’re just a guy.” Now, we know what he’s saying, and everyone instantly hates him for saying it the way he did.

Sonic apologizes, then the same thing happens with a similar crack, referring to the people he’s saving as “You People.” They hate him again. After an explanation of how absurd everything has been, something every hero has to do at least once, he says “Fuck it,” and quits. 

Almost instantly, things take a turn for the… Not worse, more like annoying. The people immediately realize, “Hey, things suck without this guy around,” and ask for his help. Eventually, Sonic does what he does best, the villagers smarten up, and everything ends well.

It’s immediately relatable, in the way that it’s immediately maddening. Everyone has been through this in their life, for whatever reason, and it always sucks. It’s like those fights you have with your friend, where they’re like, “I love strawberries,” and you’re like, “Yeah, they’re alright,” and they’re like, “Just alright? How can you think that?” YOU know how absurd it is to take offense to something like that, but somehow THEY don’t, and now you have to deal with that for a few days… I’m sure you can some up with better examples.

Let’s isolate the inciting incident in this episode: Mike asks we he can’t come to the Robotnik fight. Sonic is saying, “You mean you, someone who isn’t qualified at all to be anywhere near a giant angry robot, you wanna come and get in our way and risk getting hurt? Yeah no, we’re not doing that.” And the short hand way to saw all of that was, “You’re just a guy.” Perfectly reasonable if you ask me. But no, people are reactionary and dumb, so now you have to pretend you’re the bad guy in this scenario… I think this episode is making me realize just how much of an objectivist I am — I could sit here and educate you on why you’re all acting like jackasses, but instead I’m gonna go make the world a better place~


Oh Steve…

Again, it all ends well, Mike helps a smidgen and Sonic calls him a hero. Self-Identity assured, villains defeated. But ask yourself honestly. If you had Sonic’s abilities, would you even bother? ‘Cos I don’t think I would… I mean, put up with that, of course I’d still save people, what do you take me for?